Friday, December 2, 2011

The first year is the hardest they say...

Precaution:  This is going to get a little personal...

I can't believe this year is almost over.  Around this time last year, I was busting my butt in a full time job while juggling 5 classes to finish off a dual associates.  I was also preparing to see my husband after a long year of him being deployed.  It was a pretty emotional and stressful time of year.  It was the first year after being married almost two years that we were to spend the holidays together.  Actually, it was our first time spending them together ever.  I was happy to have had him home during that time of year and looked forward to the many we would spend together in the future (if the Army's calling didn't get involved of course).  I remember thinking about the new year and all of the new things that were to come in 2011 and just being filled with excitement and ready for the new adventure.
And here we are now...a whole year has passed by.  My husband came back from Germany permanently in March, we moved to North Carolina in April, and its been a solid 9 months of being together all the time.  I'd like to think that we have made it pretty far.  We have a brand new house, two nice cars (one paid off), and we aren't drowning in bills, even without me working right now.  I'll be honest though, this road we are walking has not been easy.  Marriage can be difficult and everyone warned that the first year together everyday would be difficult.  I remember rolling my eyes to the fact and thinking "we've made it this far away from each other, what could possibly go wrong?"
As these months have past, we've gotten to know each other more and more.  We've gotten to know the likes and dislikes of each other...the things that annoys us about the other...we've had really awesome days...really horrible never-want-to-think about-again days..and then the normal go-about-the-routine days.  The summer was pretty hard for me.  I didn't have a lot to do being that I was jobless.  I had applied for school again but that didn't start until the Fall.  I had dinner plans already in mind by 8 in the morning and done and prepared by 5 in the evening.  Then I would sit and wait...for whenever the 82nd decided to release my husband from duty.  Sometimes I was patient, I know its not his fault he had to stay late...and sometimes I wasn't and I would be angry...not at him...but since he was the one coming home and not the 82nd, he usually got my wrath unfortunately and those arguments never ended well.  Needless to say we always came together in the end and got our marriage back into motion again.
Then Fall came and school started up for me along with ROTC.  I became more livelier.  I was happy again because I had become active again mentally and physically.  I made friends and once again had my social  life back.  My husband started a new job as well.  We had a new routine at home since two days out of the week, I had night school.  The chores around the house were becoming evenly split instead of me doing everything.  It was coming to an even balance and I liked it.  It worked well for a while until I started noticing that we weren't very active with each other.  I guess I shouldn't say not active because we are...but we weren't as social with each other.  We were and still are so very busy and sometimes I feel like it takes a toll on our marriage without us even knowing.  We've become in a way distant with each other...not in a mean way but just that we weren't taking time to talk to each other much...about feelings or love.  And it bothered me.  Everything felt so materialistic and not enough emotion.  And yes I tend to be a lot less emotional then women.  Anyways...we had a rough month in October.  November things started to get better.  And now we are in December.  I can only hope that things will continue to get better.
I guess I just need to get accustom to the way he expresses love.  I'm an extrovert.  I love to display my affection with words, and actions, and pretty much anyway that it can be seen or felt and I'd like to receive love in that same way. My husband is more an introvert I guess and I'm just starting to see that.  His moments of affection are brief but sincere all the same.  It's hard to believe that we'll be going on 3 years married in March.  I feel like we are in the first phases of our marriage still.  I'm seeing now the language he uses to express love.  Now we have to build on how to satisfy each other equally despite the differences in our love languages.

I don't know why I wrote this really.  I guess I'm so tired of seeing everyone's perfect relationships on Facebook and the blogs I read.  I have to admit, even I omit all the bads in my blogs and status updates.  Today I just wanted to be real...and get down to the wire.  don't get me wrong though.  I am happy and love my husband.  But maybe there is someone out there that needed to see that they aren't the only ones out there with relationship problems.  Having problems is not a sin.  But learning to overcome them is a priceless lesson to learn.

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