I have a job finally. It doesn't pay much and I only work two hours a week but it's a start for now. I'm a tutor...for Calculus. I've never been a professional tutor before. I have volunteered my time to classmates whenever asked but other than that I have no set skills in helping someone learn. Today was my first day. I can't say I did very well though. The student seemed just as confused at the end of our session as she did at the beginning of it. It was only a one hour session though and my first day working with her. I'm going to have to find better ways to communicate the information to her so that she can better understand. I guess I was forgetting my reasoning for being there which is to better explain the things being taught in class...not to just repeat what was taught at the very same speed of the professor who is teaching the subject. Another thing is that the subject is math. Yes...I'm good at math but math is tricky for me at times so even I get the wrong answer sometimes and have to retrace my steps. I don't want to seem like I'm tutoring a subject I know nothing of. It definitely is different trying to slow down my pace of learning and thinking to teach but I'm sure I'll get the hang of this soon enough.
It really does bother me when I can't help someone in the way they need help. Whether it be a student seeking help in a class or a friend seeking emotional consolation. It's like being inside a glass box and there is no way to get out to the person that needs help. You can see their pain, confusion, distress...but your hands are bound. It truly causes a discomfort for me because all I want to do is to reassure and soothe whatever it is that is causing so much anguish. I have a friend who is going through a lot right now and I feel utterly helpless in the situation. I wish I could do more as a friend who cares deeply but even I have limits to who and how I can help. All I can do now is pray that better days will come for them and that one day that emptiness is filled with something greater than ever imagined.